Coach’s Worse Night Ever
by Eternal Sailor Serenity
Summary: This is my first one-shot fic about the WWE. Tyler and Edge go see a show and have a god time.


Coach's Worse Night Ever by Eternal Sailor Serenity  
  
Okay I decided to do my first one-shot fic. It was greatly inspired by the Raw house show I just went to and I got to see Bubba's butt when he mooned the audience. The best part was when I got Jerky to yell at me and give me the two middle fingers. I don't own anybody except Tyler.  
  
The seats were getting filled as Tyler Dumas and her boyfriend Edge arrived. Tyler had dragged him to the show for fun. They found the seats, third row from the ring. Edge was out on injury so Vince McMahon had given Tyler time off to stay in her home state of Florida to take care of him. It has been awhile since a Raw house show came to Florida so they decided to come. When they got in their seats, Coach's music came on and he was in the ring. They booed him really bad while he was talking.  
  
Coach: Finally, a night without JR and King. Unfortunately, Eric Bischoff couldn't be here. But he has better things to do then spend time with you all.  
  
Suddenly a radio DJ was introduced and he went onstage. Tyler and Edge clapped him as they started throwing out Evolution shirts.  
  
Coach: Here's a shirt you got to have. And here's on that you will never see again.  
  
They started throwing out Austin's "Fuck Fear Drink Beer" shirts. They got down to one shirt.  
  
Coach: No don't throw them the shirt, they don't deserve it. Now for our opener, a match for the Intercontinental Championship. Coach got out of the ring and headed towards the back. He met up with Chris Jericho.  
  
Jericho: Are a lot of Assclowns out there tonight?  
  
Coach: Yeah but she's also out there so be careful.  
  
Jericho: Don't worry now if you excuse me, I have to get ready for a tag match right now.  
  
Coach: Sure thing.  
  
Randy Orton's music hit and the crowd was split halfway. Some cheered for him while others booed him. Randy told the crowd to "Suck it" not with words but with the motion for it. Tyler and Edge booed the youngest Evolution member. "One of a Kind" played as RVD came out. He was the obvious favorite here and everybody did the R...V...D finger thingy. The match went pretty well, RVD went on the assault then Randy took the power with a clothesline. Soon Randy went for the RKO. Rob's face was in shock as he pushed away from Randy before he could execute the move. He Irish whipped himself and intending to kick Randy, but Randy caught his leg. Rob put his other leg around and kicked Orton in the face. While Randy was down, RVD leaped up the turnbuckle and did the Five Star Frog Splash. The ref counted to three and RVD got the win.  
  
RVD: How did I do guys?  
  
Edge: You did awesome dude.  
  
Tyler: It was a five star match. See you later Rob.  
  
RVD: Sure thing girlie.  
  
As soon as he got back there, Maven came out. He posed a little before Matt Hardy, Version 1 came out. The referee held Maven back a little as Matt did his V1 sign. The match started when VI did his sign to Maven. Maven slapped the spit out of Maven. The match went pretty well, Matt hit the Side Effect early in the match. Maven then got out of the defensive and went on the offensive. He dropkicked Matt Hardy before taunting the V1 sign. Matt got in and it looked as if he was going to do the Twist of Fate but instead turned it into a DDT. He went for the pin, but only got a two count. After a few more two counts, Matt did the Twist of Fate and got the pin. He started to head backstage but before he could get a step farther, Tyler gave him the Ty-Factor, an X-Factor, and Matt ran backstage. Maven and Edge shook hands when Edge went into the ring, Maven had lost but he now stood in the ring and happily let the crowd cheer for him.  
  
Edge: I need to get a drink, you want anything?  
  
Tyler: Get me a pretzel please hun?  
  
She watched as Coach got back into the ring. He grabbed a microphone.  
  
Coach: Next up is what most of your have come to see, the diva match. For one fall is a fatal four way for the Women's Title. Lita's theme went off and Tyler got out of her seat to clap loudly for her sister. She came to the ring and got into a corner after posing to her sister on a turnbuckle. Jazz music played as Jazz massively walked out. Lita glared at the diva before turning her attention to the next theme. "Time to Rock and Roll," screamed out as Trish came to the ring with her hat and jacket. Trish and Lita slapped hands while Molly Holly strutted to the ring. Trish and Molly had some colorful words to say to each other.  
  
Edge: What did I miss?  
  
Tyler: Just the divas' entrance. I should be up there.  
  
Edge: I know...  
  
Tyler: Oh did I say that last part out loud?!  
  
Edge: I'm sorry I'm such a burden on you and your career.  
  
Tyler: No, it's no problem, I'll get a title shot some other time. Oh no, not the Coach again.  
  
Coach: Okay I said five divas, not four so now introducing...Victoria!  
  
"All the Things She Said," roared as Victoria, in a black and white stripped shirt came into the ring. Lita bounced on the ropes and started threatening Victoria to make it a fair match.  
  
Crowd: Lita, Lita, Lita!!!  
  
Trish went straight for Molly while Jazz and Lita attacked each other. Jazz Irish-whipped Trish and she flipped over, landing on the apron. Jazz ran at her and she ducked, causing Jazz to fly to the ground. Molly threw Lita out and she hit her head on the steel fence. Tyler was instantly at her side but was soon pushed back by security.  
  
Tyler: Damn it, she's my own sister!  
  
Edge: Calm down, look she's getting up all ready.  
  
She got into the ring and gave Molly a Twist of Fate. Jazz went to Irish whip Lita but both of them were soon over the top. Trish gave Molly the Stratusfaction and went for the pin. One....two.............  
  
Edge: Shit!!  
  
Victoria had counted to two before giving Trish a leg drop. She instantly rolled Molly Holly over Trish and made the very, very quick three count. Jazz went to the back while Victoria held up Molly's hand. Edge sighed.  
  
Edge: So Molly retains the title but that was unfair, Trish should have won it.  
  
Tyler: I know.  
  
Victoria and Molly started stomping away on Trish some more in a post-match attack. Lita started climbing up to get to the apron but Victoria Irish-whipped herself and when she hit Lita, Lita fell to the ground.  
  
Tyler: I have to go help her!  
  
She jumped over the barricade again. Edge quickly followed and kneeled down by Lita. Trish was still being attacked by the two over divas in the ring until Tyler came in and speared the Women's Champion. Molly went down and Trish pie-faced Victoria to the mat. The heels backed their way up the ramp as Trish and Tyler rolled out of the ring.  
  
Tyler: It's okay sis, I'm here.  
  
Trish: Ty, I'll take your sister back. You and your boyfriend better get back over that barricade and watch the rest of the show. Don't worry, Lita and I have a plan we have to see thru.  
  
The divas went to the back "Stand Back, There's a Hurricane Coming Thru," came on as Rosey, the S.H.I.T. came out. This was a one fall match. As Rosey was at the end of the ramp, Tommy Dreamer ran out and hit Rosey a few times in the back with a kendo stick. After he broke the kendo stick he rolled Rosey into the ring. Tyler didn't really care for this match anyway. They were both her friends and maybe she cheered Tommy on a little bit more but watched the ending in shock. No, it wasn't that Tommy Dreamer got in the Dreamer DDT and won the match....but it was after Tommy got to the back and Rosey had gotten up. While his back was turned to the ramp, Test ran down the ramp and gave Rosey a big boot. Test yelled down at Rosey and kicked him in the ribs a few times...."Stand Back, There's a Hurricane coming thru," played suddenly as The Hurricane ran down the ramp and gave Rosey enough time to roll out of the ring. The next match was another one fall, Test against The Hurricane. After Hurricane checked on his S.H.I.T. he went to work on Test. There were some good points in the match, when The Hurricane kicked out of The Big Boot, after Test got a choke slam, and the best part was when Stacy ran out after a Pump Handle Slam. She climbed onto the apron and turned her back to Test. She bended over and pulled up her skirt. This distracted Test as The Hurricane tried a roll up on him. Test kicked out and then went to yell at Stacy but she Guillotined him. Hurricane tried to go for The Eye of the Hurricane but Test got out and hit a Big Boot. He got the pin as Stacy walked to the back ahead of Test disappointed. Test posed for the crowd while they booed him and kissed his bicep. He headed backstage as Coach came back into the ring.  
  
Tyler: I hate Test.  
  
Edge: Yeah, he's a major jerk to those he fights.  
  
Tyler: And to Stacy Keibler.  
  
Coach: Okay next up is one of the biggest, toughest, greatest wrestlers, let me introduce, Batista!  
  
Batista came to the ring looking big and mighty. He had a mission tonight. "Burned," blasted out as Kane came to the ring with his black towel over his head. He went over the top rope to start the match with Batista. Batista had gotten out of the ring. He slowly came in and they started the match. There was no interruption but Tyler hated the most, Kane for hurting her friend RVD and Batista for being part of Evolution. She had to admit it wasn't bad, Batista reversed a choke slam, and Kane got in a flying clothesline. The finish saw Kane getting the choke slam in and winning the match. Batista was pissed off as he went backstage after Kane had left. His mission was to take out Kane because Armageddon was tomorrow night at Orlando, Florida and Triple H would have a triple threat match for Goldberg's title against the champ and Kane. Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade came out. "Hello Ladies" got everybody to their seat as Val Venis and Lance Storm came out.  
  
Edge: I have to go to the restroom, tell me how the match went okay.  
  
He left and she watched the match. Edge came back and sat down.  
  
Edge: How was it hunny?  
  
Tyler: It was okay, your brother-in-law and partner dominated in the first five minutes, then Jindrak and Cade isolated Lance for a long, long time. He really needed to get a tag to Val but the two others wouldn't let him, constantly tagging each other into the match. Finally Lance got in a dropkick and both guys were down. Cade tagged in Jindrak and Storm tagged in Venis. That's when the match turned in tide to the face side. Val hit a power bomb on Jindrak and then Lance, the legal man, pinned Mark Jindrak. Lance's music played as they went to the back. The heels went to the back soon after.  
  
Edge: That sounded like a great match, it's too bad I missed it.  
  
Tyler: How many times is Coach going to come out?!  
  
Coach was yet again in the ring.  
  
Coach: Okay now we're gonna give you a taste of Armageddon tonight.  
  
Mark Henry came out with Theodore Long. The music wasn't working that well so Long told the "white boy" to fix it. They came into the ring and Mark scared the ref. "Can You Dig it Sucka!?," Booker T came out. The match went mostly in Booker T's favor and the end saw that after a Spin-a-Ronnie, scissors kick, and a Book End, Booker T pinned Mark Henry, 1, 2, 3. Booker T headed backstage and got all the way back there. Meanwhile in the ring, Mark Henry was pissed off and Theodore Long was telling the ref that Henry had his foot on the bottom rope. Now the ref was talking to Coach. Tyler got out of her seat.  
  
Tyler: That's not fair, they aren't going to award the match to the giant fool! Long didn't even try to put Mark's foot on the bottom rope even after the match was over.  
  
Coach: The winner was...Booker T.  
  
Mark Henry got a very angry expression on his face and ran backstage as fast as he could to find Booker T. Theodore chased after Henry and the ref chased Henry.  
  
Edge: I hope Booker T is a good runner.  
  
Tyler: I hope Booker T has a good place to hide.  
  
A new referee came out to the ring.  
  
Ref: The next match is a one fall, tag-team tables match.  
  
"Break the Walls Down," came on as Chris Jericho came down the ramp.  
  
Ref: Making his way down to the ring, Chris Jericho and his tag-team partner, Christian.  
  
They got down to the ring and split up. Then they got into the ring. "Drop the bombshells," immediately came on as Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley came to the ring. Jericho walked around the ring to Tyler's side with Christian. The crowd, including Ty and Edge, screamed out Y2Sucks, Y2Sucks, over and over. Jericho got into Tyler's face because she was holding up a sign saying Y2Jerky's an Assclown.  
  
Jericho: Why don't you shut the hell up, girl!?  
  
Tyler: Bite me Jerky!  
  
Jericho stuck both middle fingers out at her before the two Canadians got into the ring. The Coach got in the ring too.  
  
Coach: I talked to Mr. Bischoff and since the battle of the sexes match is tomorrow, this match will not be a tables match.  
  
Chris Jericho and Christian was gleeful at this comment. Bubba took the microphone from Coach.  
  
Coach: This may not be a tables match but by the end of the night, someone will go thru this table, I promise!  
  
The "Y2Sucks" chant was still going on. Bubba liked the upset expression on Y2J's face. He noticed that Christian didn't get any attention so he yelled out to the crowd.  
  
Bubba: Christian's dead...Christian's dead....  
  
The crowd repeated this chant over and over with Bubba. Then he put his finger under his eye and pretended to cry, imitating Christian. Christian then decided to get some more attention so he started bouncing on the ropes. Bubba got a sly smile on his face and on the opposite of the ring, started pulling the ropes up and down, roughly. This caused Christian to fall down. Jericho and D-Von were meanwhile in each other's faces, talking smack to each other. Finally Jericho snapped and slapped D-Von hard in the face. D-Von and Jerky started getting in a fist fight. While that happened Bubba turned to the audience...Tyler's direction and pulled down his pants. Edge, Tyler, and the whole crowd on that side saw his white ass. D-Von and Jericho started the fight and Jerky got the spit slapped out of his mouth on more then one occasion. That match went very well, well done. Christian got in the Unprettyier and D-Von got in the diving clothesline after being Irish-whipped. There was no Walls of Jericho but Bubba did his punching/chop thing. Soon both Dudleyz were down. Now down the ramp, running at top speed was Trish and Lita. They both punched their respected enemy and the Dudleyz took it from there. They dominated the rest of the match and were about to do the 3-D to Christian but Jericho pushed Bubba away. D-Von turned around and knocked Jericho down. Bubba got up while D-Von and Jericho were fighting and gave Christian the Bubba Bomb. Then both D-Von and Bubba held Christian and Chris Jericho's legs up in the Whazzup position. Trish and Lita climbed the turnbuckles and gave leg drops to the Canadians, Lita gave it to Christian and Trish gave it to Jericho. The Dudleyz rolled them up for the three count. Chris Jericho and Christian ran to the back before Bubba could call for the tables.  
  
Tyler: Darn them, it would have been fun watching Jerky go thru a table...holy fuck, what is this!?  
  
She saw Trish and Lita talking nicely to Coach, telling him he deserved some attention and got him into the ring.  
  
Coach: I didn't want to, but the girls asked me to wish you two luck on your match tomorrow, you're going to need it.  
  
D-Von punched Coach in the face. After that, Trish and Lita started kicking away at Coach. Bubba got that look on his face.  
  
Bubba: D-VON!!!???  
  
D-Von: What!?  
  
Bubba: GET THE TABLE!!  
  
D-Von set out a table while Bubba positioned himself sitting on a turnbuckle. D-Von gave The Coach to Bubba who drove him straight thru the table. Afterwards Lita got on a turnbuckle to play to the audience. D-Von went right up there, with her, to the audience's left. Trish went up there and went on the right of Lita and the three of them posed together. Bubba meanwhile broke off a piece of the table. Tyler and Edge ran up there to celebrate with them. Bubba and D-Von next picked a kid from the audience and brought him into the ring. They gave him the part of the table Bubba had broken off to keep. Then, Lita, Tyler, and Trish kneeled next to him with The Dudleyz and Edge and took a picture in the ring. Then The Dudleyz, Edge, and the three divas went backstage. Lita and Tyler were left sitting in Lita's locker room.  
  
Tyler: Where do you go from here? I have to stay here with Edge and take care of him.  
  
Lita: Hm, where do I go from here...I'm going to Armageddon.  
  
Tyler: The end of mankind....  
  
Lita: Hey thank god, I'm a women right, not a man.  
  
Edge: Are you ready to leave Tyler?  
  
Tyler: Give me a minute, I want to get a souvenir.  
  
She bought a fifteen dollar purple Mattitude shirt. Edge looked at her disgustedly.  
  
Edge: Why are you buying that?! Matt's a jerk to you and your sister.  
  
Tyler: I need something for my Matt Hardy voodoo dolls.  
  
Edge: You're one heck of a girl, Tyler...one heck of a girl.  
  
******************************************  
  
I hope I didn't completely ruin my first one-shot fic. That's all I have to say.  
  
~Eternal Sailor Serenity~ 


End file.
